acreak Funny Status Messages

   Are there any times in your life you wish you could just forget? Ummmm, like for instance, when that guy sucked the cheese off that other guy's finger in the Doritos commercial? I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

   Dear Punxsutawney Phil, If you are not frozen, please come out of your little home tomorrow morning with your eyes closed(so you don't see your shadow) and flip everyone off. That should sum up this winter.

   Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield. Today I feel like the windshield washer fluid and heavy duty windshield wipers cleaning up the mess left in my view.

   I began to slip this morning while going to my car but turned it into a fantastic Moonwalk instead. I got skillz!

   Why does everyone say, "Calgon, take me away!" when they are having a bad day? Calgon doesn't have anything on a little bit of whiskey or beer.

   This Christmas I'm going to surround the fireplace with bubblewrap so I can catch that Santa and ask him why he never got me that pony when I was little and see how he is going to make it up to me or I will hold Rudolph hostage.

   If everyday is a gift then today's gift is a box of straws cuz it sucks.