Tommy Chevelle Funny Status Messages

   at my age it's not my cereal, but my body that goes SNAP, CRACKLE and POP!

   having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It's IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top!

   my method of Resistance Training is just NOT working out!

   the deputy in the van did NOT think it was funny when I pulled along side the striped uniform worker and yelled "QUICK, GET IN!"

   in the latest News: Officials found a cell phone under Charles Manson's mattress...and you thought getting a text from Brett Favre was weird.

   Women just sit there and let it finish dripping, where as Men will shake it till it's all out....that's what I've noticed at the GAS pumps.

   everyone was clapping for me when I got off the plane...I bet those military guys behind me were jealous.

   ladies, regardless of where you like it...just don't ask us to hold it.

   you know you're getting OLD when your BRAND NEW car you drove in high school now qualifies for an ANTIQUE car tag.

   with the way kids are so HYPER these days, I probably wouldn't have enough patience to be a Kindergarten Teacher...we'd have to play games like DUCT, DUCT, TAPE!

   when I was a YOUNG artist.... my box of CRAYONS would only last ONCE...I would burn and MELT them into ART!

   when the Neilson Ratings called me to survey what I watch on TV... I let them know what shows are stupid and pointless....Unfortunately, they are still airing JERSEY SHORE!

   says it's no wonder the Earth ALWAYS wins the Miss Universe Competition....No other planet has EVER entered the competition!

   to AVOID any embarassing incidents...I've equipped my BEER GOGGLES with windshield wipers.