Susan Funny Status Messages

   If there's anything I teach my daughter it will be to not ignore the nerds. Those people grow up to be sexy!

   I call my bedroom 'the place where the magic happens' because it's where I make my self-respect disappear.

   My daddy issues are now old enough to vote.

   With a great pair of legs comes great irresponsibility.

   It's normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.

   When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that? Now it would be for the prescriptions.

   Nothing shows over-familiarity like leaving just your socks on.

   Light beer is for pregnant women and p ussies!

   Dear Tequila, Why do you make me so angry and so horny all at once?

   All alcohol will make my clothes fall off... tequila just makes that happen in public.

   Girls pick jerks over nice guys the same way guys pick sluts over cool girls.. we are all idiots.

   Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called "a lot."

   No matter how independent I am, I can never bang myself...So yes men, I still need you.

   There will be no sandwiches after sex. There will be either sleep or death. Enough with the sandwich talk.

   I want to be the reason you pee in six different directions every morning.

   If we're standing there kissing and my hands are in your pants, I'm what you'd call a sure thing.

   I just want a man who knows the difference between… Its/It's… Your/You're… Two/To/Too… Their/There/They're… and eats my pu$$y like a pro.

   Has anyone seen my shake weight?

   As a woman, I always take good care of my eyes coz they are the only balls I have.

   Playing with my hair will get you anything you want.