StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   it just me, or was music better when ugly people were allowed to make it?

   I'm texting nothing but ugly girls from now on. They text back so fast!

   Some people only pick up a Bible when they want a tattoo.

   I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can't find it...

   when I catch a spider in the house, I tie him up and waterboard him. Then I throw him outside so he can tell his friends not to fu<k with me.

   What do you do if you come across a tiger in the Jungle? Wipe it off and apologize.

   My boss told me "Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life," "Well, it got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago, Chile in 2009," I informed him. "Really?" he asked. "No," I said.

   Amazon says that by 2015 they can make deliveries using drones, your move Jimmy Johns

   If someone will fund it, I'll go to the rainforest and just lick stuff until I find a cool new drug.

   What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

   Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.

   I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching 'Night at the Roxbury.' "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"

   I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.

   I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh*t, I want you to as well.

   Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?

   When the only light in your world is suddenly gone ...it's time to recharge your phone.

   Sorry I can't hangout, my phone is only at 61%.

   Gas prices are so high I just saw 12 Mexicans on one skateboard!

   I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.

   Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective