Slowmotionninja Funny Status Messages

   well America looks like you can kill little girls and get away with it these days...Who wants to track down Bieber with me?

   whenever you feel powerless, remember that just one single turd of yours can shut down an entire waterpark

   The kids down the street have challenged me to a water fight...I'm just updating my status whilst I wait for the kettle to boil

   What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant girl all have in common? In each scenario there is a DUMBASS who did not take it out in time

   Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two kit-kats fall out of a vending machine at once

   Went to Hulu this morning. Front page: The Royal Wedding brought to you by Fancy Fest. God That's perfect

   come on playstation network you were hacked and have been down for 5 days, learn from Jesus, he was crucified and only down for 3 day

   I almost choked to death while trying to rap in the car on the way to work. Chewing gum and Wu-Tang clan ain't nothin' to f**k with.

   ❒Flossin' ❒Ballin' ✔Bill Gaten'

   put a number on it by looking up the route on a fare-finding site….So it would've cost Will Smith about $8,356.96 to get from West Philly to Bel-Air!! Dang Uncle Phil was really loaded then!!!

   If your vigina is anything like my hand then we should not have a problem

   when a stripper asks you to beat the hard level on angry birds you DO IT!!!!!

   pulled more tail then a slow kid at a petting zoo.

   Having a girlfriend is like racking up credit card debit. Exciting for awhile, before becoming a financial burden that prevents you from enjoying cool activities with your friends

   Moms have "mothers day" Dads have "Fathers day" Lovers have "Valentines day" what do single men have?...Palm Sunday

   I went to a disco last night. They played the twist, I did the twist, They played jump, I jumped. They played "come on Eileen"...I got kicked out for that one.

   "Why is it that if a girl has sex with more than one guy she's a slut but if a guy has sex with more than one girl he's a legend?" The guy replies "If a lock can be opened by more than one key it's useless but if a key can open many locks its a master key

   Everyone's self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse

   Random Dude: "Sup bro you think you could piss in this cup in that bathroom for me I gotta pass this drug test. I'll pay you $60" Me: "...ya..." That dudes screwed

   I swear when LeBron James was born and the doctor spanked him he got the foul called