MG Funny Status Messages

   Sorry, I've just been taken by surprise, am not sure when he'll bring me back.

   nothing tears a family apart like pack of wild dogs.

   A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows.

   Be more concerned about your character than about your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think of you.

   All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.

   I had a fight with the wife and didn't see her for three days... Then the swelling went down and I could see her out of one eye

   My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was?

   I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face

     Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!!!

   doesn't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

   On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: “Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?” To which the farmer replied: “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”

   Sometimes I wake up GRUMPY; other times I let her sleep.

   DNA: National Dyslexic Association

   believes the difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'

   living the dream, one nightmare at a time.

   Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.

   Acute Gout Attack!! - The Vegetarian's Revenge!

   The difference between a sin and shame; It is a sin to put it in; It is a shame to pull it out!

   I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, I couldn't find any!

   REMEMBER IN FAT AND SLIM: F - STANDS FOR FOOD AND S - FOR STARVATION