KISSTOPHER Funny Status Messages

   Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.

   I'm running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.

   Women are like maths. As soon as you think you've finally figured it out, something harder and more confusing comes along.

   I don't understand why g@y guys won't sleep with women. I mean they have butt-holes too.

   My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don't know if I'm kidding or not.

   Nothing makes me go from zero to Hitler faster than someone touching my phone.

   80s music brings me back to good times like when I didn't exist.

   If you feel you 'have nobody to blame but yourself' you're not trying hard enough. I can always find someone to pin it on.

   It's so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.

   RECYCLING RULE 101: if no one saw what clothes you were wearing today, its totally fine to wear them again tomorrow.

   When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.

   My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".

   A relationship that’s needs to be validated and reinforced by being constantly paraded on Facebook for the whole world to see is a desperate relationship that will not last.

   Fellas; Sometimes women say they're fine because they know that's all you really want to hear.

   There would be peace throughout the world if they gave away free chocolate with every tampon purchase.

   Guys, never give up. If a girl doesn't reply to your text, call her. If she doesn't answer, knock on her door. They love a persistent man.

   Menstruation Day 1. Don't touch me Day 2. Hug me Day 3. Don't talk to me Day 4. Why don't you speak to me? Day 5. You never understand me

   The best way to ruin my day is by asking me, "How's life treating you?" or "What's new?".

   If you love someone set them free. If they comeback, probably it was a Fast & The Furious Movie.

   She: Your cute. Me: My cute what?