John Funny Status Messages

   I stand in an elite group, Procrastinators! The leaders of tomorrow...

   I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

   I feel like LIFESAVERS candy is overstating their importance...But just to be on the safe side I'm gonna go get some! If I'm found dead,I would like them to be sued for false advertising.

   If your thinking of watching...Scott Pilgrim vs. the World...Just shoot yourself in the face now and save yourself some misery.

   enjoyed deleting 10 friends to get a free Whopper.

   cellphones always killin the mood. chick texted "your ducking sexy".. sigh. so I responded "your spelling makes me think your on quack"

   The weather in New York is partly cloudy and warm...just like A-Rods urine sample

   Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and decreased work-related efficiency

   An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life

   fighting the financial crisis