Jiffy Pop Funny Status Messages

   Memorial Day is the day where we spend time with our loved ones, who are sometimes a pain to live with, to remember our loved ones who are painful to live without.

   ♪♫ I'm just a little silhouetto of a man... Got a song? Got a song stuck in your head right now? ♪♫

   I kept this status nice and short so it would be just like me. My "Eye Roll Sense" is tingling.

   Jimmy cracked corn and no one cared about it so much that they've been singing about it ever since.

   Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady have put their LA Mega-Mansion up for sale. Sadly, in today's economy even the Brady-Bundchen can't keep their home.

   Well the news reports that a Tibetan Mastiff was purchased in China for 2 Million Dollars. Some one over there is about to eat the most expensive authentic Chinese Meal they've ever had today.

   I'm amazed at the high cost of meat lately. I went to the grocery store to buy a beef roast but sadly discovered that they don't have lay away.

   I felt sad for this poor guy dressed as The Statue of Liberty in front of Liberty Tax Service...At least he doesn't have it as bad as the Lil' Caesars Pizza Girl. She has to stand there on the roadside holding a sign that says "HOT AND READY 5 DOLLARS!"

   I think it's cute how they call those little wimpy squeeze balls "Stress Balls". Because everyone knows if it were truly a "Stress Ball" it would made of solid concrete or cast metal. (So you could throw it at whatever stresses you out)

   I've started this new bacon free diet today. So if the bacon is free, I'll eat it

   I'm "talking in your voicemail as if you could hear it like an answering machine" years old.

   I love it how doctors show you pictures of smoker's ugly lungs and non smokers healthy lungs when technically both sets of lungs came from DEAD PEOPLE.

   Did you know that if you listen to Billy Ray Cyrus's "Achy Breaky 2" backwards, it's still sh* t ?

   Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck's closet.

   Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can't mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.

   A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.

   Tu pac's of Eminems used to cost 50 cents. Kanye believe it? Isn't that Ludacris? Wil-I-am glad they aren't as cheap now, or I'd be an even bigger Puff Daddy than I already am.

   I think married people should spend a lot of time experimenting sexually. Unless the name of the experiment is "Let's see how long I can make him go without sex".

   I think being the winner of the Great American SPAM Recipe Contest is a perfect example of how someone can be a winner and a loser at the same time.

   I think I'd takes Joan Rivers opinions on how people look more seriously if she didn't look like something that sits on a ventriloquist's lap.