JMartin Funny Status Messages

   All I'm saying is black actors never adopt poor white babies. Pretty selfish, blactors.

   Now that I think about it, the Good Humor man never said anything funny. But, who needs a personality when you have ice cream?

   Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn't fix your face.

   I just met a nerdy spider. He`s a web designer.

   My pet butterfly just got a tattoo of my lower back.

   My main plan for success is that all the better people quit first.

   It's not officially the holiday season until I've ignored a Salvation Army Santa.

   Kate Middleton's fetus is already richer than I'll ever be. :(

   Only a real genius could say these four words fast without getting tongue tied: eye, yam, stew, peed

   Baby Jesus doesn't care if my gift to you came from the dollar store and neither should you.

   Unfortunately, there was a lot more camel toe than mistletoe at the office Christmas party last night.

   What happens on Santa's lap.......stays on Santa's lap.

   I promise to love you for better or until things get worse.

   Get off goddamn Internet, go out & live your life! I'll be here when you get back. :)

   I have ADHD. Yup..... high-definition TV in the years after the birth of Jesus.

   No smartphones for my kids. They need to suffer from years of fleeting, awkward eye contact with strangers like I did.

   My boyfriend says I treat him like a child. So I gave him a sticker for standing up for himself.

   I'm only good at math when I'm adding insult to injury.

   In order to raise awareness of Alzheimer's Disease, I will be randomly deleting people from my facebook.

   The mullet is just a helmet for domestic violence.