Eddy Funny Status Messages

   i think the word "divorce" should be hyphenated so the 2 halves of the word are separated

   i find it ironic that when you go to the usps website to complain, they tell you to email them

   I can;t afford the "Ring" doorbell so I use "honk" where friends pull up & honk their horn

   what does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the restroom? ....the pee is silent

   foods contain ingredients such as iron, potassium, calcium, etc so I'm going to start calling my dinner table my "table of elements"

   idk why people get paranoid about getting a chip put in them someday. ...lays & pringles have been putting chips in me for years

   if "octo" means 8, why is October the 10th month?

   Why don't food companies put beets in boxes instead of cans? ...then the employees can say they're "professional beet boxers"

   today I'll be celebrating MLK day...I'm going to sleep in late & have a dream

   with school starting back tomorrow, don't forget to thank the bus driver #Fortnite

   I was at a restaurant tonight & I saw the "caution wet floor" sign. I wonder how blind people know. those signs don't have braille

   Everyone is wearing masks & school starts back soon....the teachers are gonna sound like Charlie Brown's teacher....wah wah wah

   did you know that Julie Andrews will no longer endorse cheap lipstick?.... It crumbles easily & makes her breath smell. she explained "the super color fragil lipstick crumbles easily & gives me halitosis"

   if this 2nd stimulus goes through, I want this payment in pennies so I can swim in it like Scrooge McDuck

   When I see all these zoom video chat conferences, I think of the opening scene of "The Brady Bunch"

   Coronavirus is like a Thanos you can't see

   I've been social distancing from the gym for years

   Lets send the coronavirus tiger to Carole Baskin

   My friend is terrible at geography...his grade is below C level

   since camping spoons are white, are they still considered "silverware" or should they be called "whiteware" ?