Bob Funny Status Messages

   I don't know how the law of averages works, but you'd think after 25yrs of marriage I'd be right at least once??........bOb

   I wish these kids would stop crying. I won the Eater egg hunt fair and square.

   Substitute " My ass" for "This girls" on fire and you're welcome Preparation H for your new ad campaign.

   Don't know who's happier, the gay community or the ABA

   Since casino commercials abruptly end with "gambling problem, call 1-800gambler"......why don't booze commercials end with "drinking problem, call 1-800guzzler" ?

   Made a deposit at the Sperm Bank....sadly, it's earning no interest.

   If you're a woman that plans on visiting Halas Hall later this year, I suggest you use the stairs

   great news for those that talk $hit....PREPARATION H is now available as a chapstick!!

   Lindsey Vonn starts at the top and ends up on the bottom.....so, apparently, does Tiger

   Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but names will never hurt me....simple advice to Islamic extremist, but it's hard to reason will those that believe there's a bevy of virgins waiting for them upon death

   Some dude is going to be eaten alive by an Anaconda tonite....BIG DEAL...I was eaten alive by a snake years ago and my lawyer got me out. Sucked dry, but free.

   For one to describe oneself as monosyllabic would be an oxymoron.

   What's with those lower urinals? Are they for small boys or large men?

   I only got one valentine card, and that was from the wife. I say valentine card, it was actually a death threat. still it's the thought that counts

   What is it with those female athletes, freezing temps and they wear them thin skin tight lycra suits, my wife wears more than that in a warm bed

   Just got a call from the post office, can they start delivering some of my cards now, they're running out of room in their sorting office

   Dear Mother Nature: Get off the Vortex aleready.

   I'm single by choice...Not my choice, but it's still a choice.

   Crap! Still here! Better schedule that colonoscopy,

   When the world ends tomorrow, I hope it is after 5:00 pm, because I won't get paid for the holiday if I don't work Friday.