BigEdUSW Funny Status Messages

   I openly admit to looking at your profile. Now, please stop with all the news feed spamming app invites.

   Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay..so if you keep reading, you'll go broke.

   I think this new diet may be a little too strick. I actually look forward to paying bills because I get to lick the envelopes.

   The problem with being young is sometimes we don't stop to think, the problem with getter older is sometimes we forget what we were thinking about.

   I feel like it is going to be a great weekend to get some work done around the house, so I plan on getting up early, turning on SportsCenter and hope this feeling passes.

   Instead of a "See who is looking at your profile" application, the one the could be the most fun would be, "See who is online with their chat turned off."

   When a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?... When blondes have more fun do they know it? Just a couple of life's riddles that beg for an answer.

   I would not say that I am living in the fastlane, but I am experiencing life at a high rate of WTF's per minute.

   Today, I was told I was being too patronising which means I was treating them like they were stupid.

   I think if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single" or petition for a new status called "I am bootycall."

   Why all the smack talk? It was a great game on both sides, but say that Canada owned USA is incorrect. USA won the first game and Canada had to OT to win the gold. No ownage, just great play when it mattered. Congrats to Canada, be proud not typical.

   The secrets of staying young is to live honestly, eat healthy, and exercise or simply lie like hell about your age.

   I just balanced my checking account, and discovered that I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something or pay a bill.

   As I, once again, found myself glued to the riveting action of Olympic Curling, I couldn't help but see a missed advertising opportunity. Swiffer WetJet should be sponsoring the hell out of this event.

   For all of you out there you are so infatuated with Olympic Curling, be sure to check your local listings for the Paint Drying World Championships later this year.

   I use to get a little nervous if I saw a policeman in my rearview mirror, these days I feel the same about a Toyota.

   ™ is a registered trademark. All unauthorized reproduction and distribution will lead to prosecution.

   I have always been told to never say "never." On that note, never get into a food fight with cannibals and never be caught dead with a necrophilac.

   The people at MapQuest must think everyone is an idiot. Is it really necessary to start the directions with how to get out of your own driveway?

   The true art of procastination is picking the correct task to put off that will eventually not need to be done anymore.