@zubindalal1 Funny Status Messages

   How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don't show it to her.

   If everyday is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays.

   I want an iPhone with BBM and a Nokia battery.

   If you love somebody... Let them go. If they come back, no one wanted them

   FRIDAY......My second favorite F word

   What do you call a woman that doesn't make me a sandwich? An ambulance.

   I saw a fat guy with a "M.O.B." tattoo on his arm. I asked "money over b*tches?" He said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.

   I'm never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken...

   I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pi*sed. Not my fault they don't have Windows.

   My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.

   "You've changed" ... No, I think the proper term is "I've stopped trying to please your ass."

   Most girls: "I hangout with guys, there's less drama." Me: "I hangout by myself. There's no drama

   When the "M" of MTV was for music & not for maternity... Those were the days

   WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.

   The number of "followers" you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.

   "One Direction" has 12 letters. So does "gayyyyyyyyyy". Coincidence? I think not.

   Home Alone! Expectation: Party! Party! Reality: Peeing with the door open.

   If I don't mention you, then the status wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace it up and wear it.

   Me: Can you believe that after all that crap they're still together!?! Friend: Who ? Me: My buttcheeks

   Laughing for 10 minutes adds 1 day to your life. Follow me and you'll live forever!