@dj_soltrix Funny Status Messages

   MEAN PRANK: Replace Cocoa Puffs cereal with dry dog food.

   Someone should make a TV game show called "Pregnant Or Not Pregnant?" and have contestants questioning fat girls for prizes.

   Does anyone know the name of that one song that doesn't have Pitbull in it?

   Instead of Hooters, they should call it "Flat-Chesters."

   Hey ladies, you know who finds your period attractive? Sharks.

   In a perfect world, we would get paid by the amount of hours we sleep; and a bonus check for every time we have sex.

   My girlfriend is a retard, but she has nice boobs...so it evens out.

   The rap song "Walk It Out" was inspired by a guy who was consoling his girlfriend after a hardcore night of rough sex.

   Saw a homeless woman with a sign that said, "Mother of two. Please help." So I gave her some condoms.

   If women were born with remote controls, the most commonly used buttons would be: PAUSE, MUTE, FAST-FORWARD, and SLEEP.

   I don't understand why people reward others with "brownie points." I can't eat or buy anything with those. Just bake the f*cking brownies.

   GUY IN MALL: "Would you like to improve your balance and try this balance bracelet?" ME: "No thank you. I have toes."

   If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."

   Marc Anthony: "Let it rain over me!" R. Kelly: "Are you sure?"

   Jennifer Lopez got "On The Floor" and Marc Anthony let it "Rain Over Her."

   What's more unattractive to me than a woman who smokes? One who destroys her body with countless tattoos and piercings. Seriously, just stop. It's not sexy.

   "Hey there, little fella!" -First words said by every guy finishing liposuction surgery.

   Whenever my girlfriend tells me to "be safe" everytime I walk out the door, that means that I need to carry condoms with me, right?

   You know you've entered a ghetto neighborhood when you see a pair of shoes hanging from a telephone wire.

   Owning a Blackberry is saying that you can afford a nice cell phone, but not quite wealthy enough for an Android/smart phone.