father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   When I see how my boys have loaded the dishwasher I think, “Maybe their father is my cousin.”

   My father always said The sky's the limit! Which now that I think about it might be why he lost his job at NASA?

   * A cheap father told his little son that is nightlight only made it easier for the monsters to find him.

   By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?

   Nothing makes me feel like a founding father like still remembering how to write in cursive.

   Am sorry I asked you 'Who is the father' when you told me your wife is pregnant.

   [Getting home from fishing trip] MOM: Catch anything? ME: No, but a bear did MOM: Where’s your father?

   I was talking to the local kids last night, telling them they are ruining what our fore father's created. One kid said, "my mom sleeps around but I ain't got four fathers!". I shook my head and got his mom's number.

   your first Baby's father doesnt count. that was just checking if you can have kids

   Thanks to synonyms, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," and "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty," both mean the same thing.

   There's a Father Nature, too, but all he's responsible for is the temperature.

   Father inlaw: A priest who is also a lawyer.

   What dad's really would like for father'r day. To be left alone so they can drink their beer in peace.

   You can tell what was the best year of your father's life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and just ride it out.

   Confusion: Father's day in the ghetto

   Gave my son the "you live under my roof, you play by my rules" speech and my father's mustache immediately appeared on my face.

   I still remember the day my father promoted me to general disappointment.

   Darth Vader: The first black guy to admit he's the father.

   “Forgive me Father for I have sinned” and “Sorry Daddy I’ve been bad” both mean very similar things, but have wildly different connotations

   my great great grandfather: I cleared 40 acres by hand and grew food to feed people. My father: I fought WWII and ended the horror. Me: I think $9.99/month might be too much for Spotify.