santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Merry hammered people! I'm Christmas!

   If everyone that receives a fruitcake for Christmas donates them to the government, Trump can build the brick wall!

   Fun Christmas prank: give your mom a new iPhone then refuse to help her set it up

   I was going to wish merry christmas to all of the women that accused Trump of groping but I cant find them.

   Evidently Cheering and doing play by play while my wife is wrapping presents wasn't the help she was looking for.

   Remember ladys, being good may get you a few nice presents but being naughty will get you diamonds.

   Here's a list of my favourite xmas carols.

   Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot. But the Grinch who lived just North of Whoville did not!

   The first rule of Christmas Fight Club is don't buy her anything half a size bigger than she is because clearly you're implying something..

   I don't care what you say. Arbor Day and Christmas are cousins.

   Dear Santa, yea I was naughty this year ..and it was worth it, you fat, judgmental b*stard!

   I just found out that my wife is actually Mrs. Santa Claus!! At least that's what my kids tell me.

   The people who insist you say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" are just trying to Police Navidad.

   On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss,

   NOTICE: To the people who have flashing blue and red Christmas lights in their yard.....can you remove them, please? Every time I pass by, I think it is the cops and I have to remove my foot from the gas, slam on the brakes, put my seatbelt on, throw my p

   I think this Christmas Eve it would really be nice if we all went over to MySpace to wish Tom a Merry Christmas ....... poor guy.

   Dear Santa: This year all I want for Christmas is thick hair and a thin body ... And please don't get it backwards like you did last year!!!

   Yup.... No matter how old you are .... an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube will always become a Star Wars light saber.

   The Media is now reporting that Christmas is actually a Russian plot hatched by Putin & Trump to lure people into a false sense of Joy. They are urging that we reject any feelings of joy and focus on being angry at the 2016 Election results.

   If you want to know if Santa has you on his “nice” list,, or his “naughty” list,, Just ask Russia,,, and they'll just hack it for you.