Eddy Funny Status Messages

   now that Zuckerberg is married, if he divorces does she get the "face" half or the "book" half

   im gonna get a tattoo to make my pen!s look like a broom...my gf SUCKS at cleaning

   if William Shatner takes a crap, does he call it a "captain's log"?

   if a cannibal eats a vegetarian does that count as a full course meal?

   everyone hopes for a happy ending...except inmates

   noticed something today at a restaurant. the womens restaurant sign is wearing a dress but the handicap sign beside it isnt...is the handicap woman naked?

   my mom used to say "i dont want to hear a peep"...i just listened & that candy is very quiet

   people say "when pigs fly" but dont police have police helicopters...pigs are already flying

   went to doctor yesterday. the nurse had to stick me with the needle 5 times...with that much poking was they being a nurse or a facebook friend?

   good joke today...single people change ur realtionship status to "in a relation". when friends ask who it is say "april....April Fools"

   has anyone seen Steven Tyler lately?...that dude really does look like a lady

   if he dont get called "gay" enough (even though I'm sure he isnt) Beiber makes a song & decides to call it "Boyfriend".....way to stop the jokes & rumors

   personal security/ bodyguard is just a paid stalker

   when you go to the doctor & he wants to shake your hand, do you wonder what he did to his last patient with that hand & if he washed it before shaking yours?

   remember people...st patricks day means to wear green clothing....not to drink till you turn green in the face. dont go out drinking too much tonight

   if I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was right, I could get it changed into pennies & swim around in it like Scrooge McDuck

   TGIF....this gas is free (neighbor doesnt use locking gas cap

   conficious says it takes many nails to build a crib but only 1 SCREW to fill it

   disney has women looking for their handsome prince. dreamworks is more accurate with the ugly ogre

   dyslexic people are weird. they pray to a dog