jake Funny Status Messages

   When the shovel was invented, it was a ground breaking experience.

   Babies cry at night to prevent their parents from making another one.

   In the past few days my Doritos stock started to skyrocket. Thank you California.

   In California, ever day is now 420

   It's 2018 so that means the millennium is legal.

   On new year's eve while counting down the last 10 seconds, I lift my left leg so I'll start the new year out on the right foot.

   So cold don's toupee flew south for the winter

   So cold in D.C. today that the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.

   It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.

   It's so cold out that I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant

   Heard there was a kidnapping at the school. Untill the teacher woke him up.

   If you were born in september. There a good chance your parents started the new year with a bang.

   There was a study done on the effects alcohol has on walking. The results were staggering.

   My cooking is so good even my smoke alarm comments on it.

   How did cavemen meet women? They went clubbing.

   Since the 2nd amendment gives me the right to bear arms. I cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.

   By useing earbuds it gave me alot of practice to un-tangling a string of Christmas lights

   Claustrophobic : A person afraid of Santa Claus

   Santa Claus is jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

   If you could cross a centipede with a turkey you would have enough turkey legs for everyone.