hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I'll never know.

   If you think paper beats rock, please hold this piece of paper in front of your face for a second…

   They're coming out with a line of Kardashian Barbie Dolls. As if the actual Kardashians aren't fake enough.

   One politician endorsing another is like poo endorsing diarrhea.

   Before you make up your mind, open it.

   My doctor drums up business by refusing to refill my prescriptions until I come in to sit in their waiting room full of people with the flu.

   When I'm drunk I just hit any buttons and put my faith in autocorrect.

   If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.

   just took crocs off a man sleeping in the airport & threw them in the trash because it was the right thing to do

   Of everything I've ever accomplished in my life, I'm most proud of the fact that I've never seen an episode of Jersey Shore.

   The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.

   I'm starting to think I'll never be old enough to know better.

   Katy Perry kissed a guy that looks like a girl and apparently didn't like it.

   You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there's a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.

   I think all Walmart bathrooms are required by law to look like the set of one of the "Saw" movies.

   Doesn't seem like a good sign that I asked for a to-go box at this Mexican restaurant, and they brought me a casket.

   The only people who still leave voicemail messages are bill collectors and moms.

   I sleep better naked…why can't the flight attendant understand this?

   The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

   If everyone "resolves" to not care about the Kardashians in 2012 do you think they'll go away?