GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   I wonder how was God able to find some wise men when most of us men don't even know how to stop and ask for directions when we're lost?

   Dear Santa, I was good at being NAUGHTY. Does that count for anything?

   Let me get this straight; a fat man who breaks and enters into my home, who steals all my Christmas cookies, is the one who judges if I'm naughty or nice?

   Due to the extreme coal shortage, Santa will be giving out Justin Bieber cds to all the bad kids this year.

   I wish Santa would just dump 100ft of coal around Biden and Nancy Pelosi's house.

   Santa, you break into people's houses and eat their cookies; don't judge me.

   The holiday season is here. Remember to set your scales back 10lbs at midnight.

   Every year, my Christmas list begins with "Dear Santa, my sisters did it. But I have been very good this year, because I'm an angel!

   I sure hope you like your Christmas gift... It's a year's supply of me!

   Dear Santa: For Christmas this year I want a fat bank account and a slim body with sexy abs, but let's not get it mixed up like you did last year.

   I am the reason Santa has a naughty list.

   Santa, you must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during deer season?

   Dear Santa! I want a fat bank account and a sexy body with rock hard abs for Christmas. Let's not get those two mixed up like you did last year.

   To save time, let's just assume I'm never wrong.

   Please keep your dogs and children quiet in the mornings. Some of us have been up all night setting off fireworks. Thank you!

   Dear Santa: Either you give me what I want for Christmas or I'll turn Rudolph and Comet into a piece of deer jerky. Make it happen, fat man!

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party.

   Christmas is truly a magical time. It's made all my money disappear!

   ATTENTION EVERYONE: I have an announcement to make. Santa just confirmed that I have been very good this year!

   I decided to beat Black Friday and start my Christmas shopping early. *Runs Amazon van off the road