Funny Status Messages

   Sorry for drunk texting last night. And this morning. And right now.

   The dress was white and gold until it decided to go on a date with Chris Brown.

   My dyslexia has reached a new owl.

   The best way to solve your relationship problems is to post about them on the internet and let your friends solve them for you.

   A friend of mine drinks their coffee so black, it shot at him. . .

   Ronda Rousey raped me, ok it wasn't rape, I enjoyed it. . .

   My dog says that dress is grey.

   Hi, I hate Rob Lowe, I think about kicking his a$$ every time I see his stupid commercial. . .

   Beginning of relationship- 1) Don’t ever change. 2) You have to change. 3) You’ve changed. -End of relationship-

   The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.

   Devil with the blue dress on...oh wait is that a Gold dress. Well, either way .....the prince of darkness is a cross-dresser.

   I hear Black Sabbath and Blue Oyster Cult are planning a reunion. They're going to call it the White and Gold Tour.

   Brett also got me a pen for my birthday.....He should have splurged and gotten a better one though... I can totally get out of this one....

   I wanna be rich enough to wear a blouse and not look gay in it.

   She lost me at, "let's talk about that dress."

   Dear Interwebs, You guys go nuts over a stupid dress, and now Spock is dead! This is why we can't have nice things. Stop it, K? Thx.

   My wife wanted two cats but I am the man in this house so we got two cats

   a chinese vendor just sold me a new movie calles ' 50 cent of Drey'

   Spock inspired many a latina to shave their eyebrows and draw on freaky ones.

   Huge Star Wars fan, Can't imagine a world without Spock.