Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1666 of 6384
My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.
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12-21-2014 12:07 by conan
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I was born inteligent but facebook ruined me..
Today marks the two year anniversary of the end of the world... and I am still waiting. . .
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12-21-2014 09:45 by JAB
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Fly Eagles fly. To your offseason vacations and free agents meeting with other teams. Since you don't have playoffs to worry about.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
Drops empty vodka bottles in all the neighbor's recycling bins. So the garbage men don't think it's just me.
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12-21-2014 01:13
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You may remember me from such events as ruining Christmas dinner.
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12-21-2014 01:11 by Baddie
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You can lead a horse to water but you can't lead a horticulture!
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12-20-2014 22:47 by Depirts1
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Man walks into his therapist office wearing nothing but plastic wrap. Therapist say " I can clearly see your nuts"
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12-20-2014 18:05
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What separates humans from the animals? The Mediterranean.
A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought, 'What would Jesus do?', so I turned it into wine ... Well, I bought wine.
IS has executed 100 foreigners trying to quit. Terrorists check in, but they don't check out.
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12-20-2014 14:03
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"His heart wasn't the only thing that was two sizes too small" ~ Mrs Grinch.
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12-20-2014 11:17 by Michael
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Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
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12-20-2014 08:15
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Been coughing all night & day, can't seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
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12-20-2014 07:30 by Nipper
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Michael Brown lived a thug life and died a thug death. Let it go.
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12-20-2014 01:52
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The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
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12-19-2014 21:34
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Interestingly, if we invade North Korea because it caused us to miss a movie, that still won't be the worst reason we ever went to war.
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12-19-2014 13:15 by Baddie
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Sorry about all the jokes I've made that you didn't like. If it's any consolation,, they were free & someday I'll die......
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12-19-2014 11:49 by snotty
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Just to annoy my therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does needing therapy after seeing me make you feel?"
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12-19-2014 09:03 by Nipper
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