Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1661 of 6384
I miss the old days when everyone had the same RING tone.
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12-27-2014 01:20 by Oregon
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for once I'd like to see "Its been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
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12-27-2014 00:22 by smeebert
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My girlfriend just got a very interesting fortune cookie: 'Every exit is an entrance to a new experience' "Wow!" she said. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I f*cking hope so.
News: "3 Cliff Walkers Fall to Their Death" Wow, what were the chances of them all having the same name?
The house from Home Alone is up for sale for 2.5 million dollars. F*ck that, the area's full of burglars.
The average person has sex 89 times a year. This is gonna be one hell of a week.
Now that Christmas shopping and madness is over, I'm expecting applications for potential girlfriends...
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12-26-2014 16:36
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it required for you to have your own TV show if you live in Alaska?
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12-26-2014 16:35
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An atheist, vegan, and a cross fitter walk into a bar. I only know because they told everyone within 2 minutes....
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12-26-2014 14:29 by Styles
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The Christmas Day hacking of Playstation Network and Xbox Live forced gamers offline and kids to sit with their families for Christmas instead of locking themselves in their rooms. This had girlfriends, wives, and mothers whispering, "It's a Christmas Mi
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12-26-2014 12:28 by LaffnAtU
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No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
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12-26-2014 12:19
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Justin Bieber Got a Freaking Jet for Christmas proving that there is no God or justice in this world we live in.
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12-26-2014 11:54
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If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
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12-26-2014 11:23
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[wife yelling at me as I wash dishes] "keith I'm fkn sick of you pretending to be a doctor" [turns tap off using my elbow] what do you mean?
"OMG that guy is dead!! No wait, he's okay..." - My wife's first time watching professional soccer
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12-26-2014 10:15 by Steve OH
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Almost time for " the new year new me bull$hit"
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12-26-2014 09:39
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It's tough watching Charlie Brown's Christmas with my dog because both us know he's never won a lights display contest...
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12-26-2014 08:44 by SEAN
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I didn't have any girl to spoil for Christmas this year so my bank balance is looking healthy.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
If you can't say anything nice, at least be vague with a touch of sarcasm, so you can share it with your friends behind their back later
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12-26-2014 06:49 by huck
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