Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1626 of 6384
I'm so exhausted from my French self-defense course.... :/ I've never had to run this fast, so far in all my life!
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02-07-2015 08:08
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Barack Obama, Merkel, Hollande...We have become a world full of pu$$ies
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02-07-2015 07:01
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Drinking Grey-goose with Crystal.. at least I think that's her name.
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02-07-2015 05:20
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I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I'm still looking for ideas.
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02-06-2015 23:57 by Styles
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I don't usually brag about my finances, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding
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02-06-2015 23:55 by Styles
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I don't know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish's Birth date.
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02-06-2015 23:55
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selfies are so last year, this year it's othies
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02-06-2015 23:04 by smeebert
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"The food at the last supper was pretty terrible so I ordered pizza" #BrianWilliamstories
"To spare the rod is to spoil the" adult....."every adult needs a whack on the butt everynow and then.
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02-06-2015 19:59
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Light beer, apple whiskey, fat free, gluten free, lactose free...We have become a world full of p ussies.
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02-06-2015 19:29
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I'm kinda the dark, handsome type. If it's DARK, I'm handsome.
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02-06-2015 18:08 by JM
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Plus-Sized is just a politically correct term for fat.
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02-06-2015 16:31
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You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn't that bad. It's kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping.... with a really angry bear near by.
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02-06-2015 15:43
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The arrival of pubic hair means, "Welcome to the prime of your life". The arrival of ear hair means, "Thanks for playing"
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02-06-2015 15:34
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Sorry my posts aren't up to my normal level. MY glutes keep shutting down.
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02-06-2015 15:20
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If you ask me to write something down over the phone, my "pen" is just a series of "uh"s and "got it"s.
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02-06-2015 14:50
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Sports Illustrated featuring a hot plus sized model on the cover is just as "brave" as Jenny McCarthy is a "doctor"
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02-06-2015 14:49
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Out of all the emotions, my favoritte would have to be "buzzed".
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02-06-2015 14:47
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If a girl texts you and asks if you think she is fat and you try to reply "Noooo", auto correct changes it to "Moooo" so that's pretty cool.
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02-06-2015 14:46
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Hit the gym today with my car.
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02-06-2015 14:45
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