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Page: 1618 of 6384
I look at my milk carton in the fridge and it read "Feb 14". Even my milk has a Valentine's date and I don't.
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02-13-2015 20:38 by
Danmanz
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I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine's Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
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02-13-2015 19:42
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FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you'll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow
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02-13-2015 15:50
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Just watched my daughter's boyfriend take 90 seconds to get a straw in a Capris Sun. Safe to say I can put the shotgun away now.
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02-13-2015 15:45
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Sorry, I can't be your Valentine. I already have 12. *points to case of beer*
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02-13-2015 15:29
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Triskaidekaphobia = Fear of Triscuits
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02-13-2015 15:25
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I surprised the Avon Lady when I came to the door naked. She was more upset that I knew where she lived.
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02-13-2015 15:22 by
JM
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Some guy just asked me for the time like its 1993 or something.... "Hold tight my good fellow, allow me to fetch my time piece from my pantaloons"
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02-13-2015 15:12
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WIFE: "Hey hon, you think you can pick the kids of from school?" ME: *takes a sip from 'Worlds Greatest Dad' coffee mug'* "Sure... what school do they go to?"
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02-13-2015 15:10
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Safe to say none of us have any plans on eatinging Eminem's mom's spaghetti?
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02-13-2015 13:37
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They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye
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02-13-2015 13:06 by
MWC
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I have a habit of breaking into the song "Uptown Funk" every 5 minutes and try to include it in conversations. Don't believe me ? Just watch.
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02-13-2015 12:28 by
Cicci wan kenobi
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Unless the only drama in this relationship is just us out of alcohol, I am indifferent to it.
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02-13-2015 11:20 by
Kisstopher707
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Since Disney now owns Star Wars and the new one will be out this year, featuring Princess Leia. That would now make her a Disney Princess.
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02-13-2015 10:44
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Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
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02-13-2015 09:48
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Women suck at buying gifts for their man because they spend 95% of their time shopping for themselves.
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02-13-2015 09:37
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This whole Brian Williams things is a great reminder that it never pays to lie. Sent from my Galaxy S7
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02-13-2015 09:15
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"I'd hit that" ~ Old people that drive.
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02-13-2015 09:13
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Sex with a balloon animal artist goes down hill pretty quick after he gets the condom on.
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02-13-2015 09:09
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Maybe we could get Obama to take ISIS seriously if we convince him they are behind global warming?
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02-13-2015 09:05
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