Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   I took this personality test on the internet, and it said... "Describe yourself in one word." I answered, "Not good at following instructions."

   Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.

   The future is that time when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now.

   The A/C in my office isn't working and has now officially become an employee.

   You can either be part of the problem or part of the solution, but in the end, being part of the problem is much more fun.

   If I keep procrastinating like this, I'm going to end up back in yesterday.

   I would spend more time outside, but it's not as hi-def as my TV.

   I'm doing what I've always done... Learning from the mistakes of others who take my advice.

   We have so much in common. You want to travel . . . I want you to go . . .

   Facebook-stalking my future ex-girlfriend.

   I tried, I really did. I threw my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn't care. It's not working!

   Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.

   I'm kind of surprised I'm not an action figure by now.

   Trust me. Tight fit jeans and loose fit skin are one bad combination.

   Just read that Facebook has reached 500 million users. Congrats to everyone who helped create history's largest stalker.

   A friend of mine bought an iPod Touch. I checked it out... It's just like an iPhone, but you can't make calls. No wait, it's exactly like an iPhone.

   Many great discoveries are made by not following instructions.

   Getting older means I no longer have the energy to do many of the things I enjoy in life, for example being awake.

   if you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.

   Woke up this morning on a hotel room floor laying on a make-shift bed I made entirely out of a tuxedo and towels. Still not quite sure where my pants are. God I love weddings.