Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1593 of 6384
There are only three things in life that are certain: Taxes, Death, and people's belief that anyone cares about the weather where they live.
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03-11-2015 09:10
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"No, I will not pick up that tiny piece of paper or that clump of dog hair. Hey Look!!!! A Sock!!!!" ~ Vacuum cleaners
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03-11-2015 09:07
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Your Apple Watch gets email. You can send texts. It has a corkscrew, nail clipper, tooth pick, scissors, tweezers, a compass, and if you put it on the floor and stand on it and it will tell you how much you weigh.
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03-11-2015 09:03 by Mark M
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Someone put a Taylor Swift tape in my Teddy Ruxpin and now he's writing a song about Fozzie
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03-11-2015 08:55
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My dog drinks from the toilet. You might say he has a potty mouth.
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03-11-2015 08:09
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I don't consider them one night stands. I prefer to call the auditions.
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03-11-2015 06:54 by DeeX
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We Want Top Gear Back Now
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03-11-2015 04:08 by John
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I don't care how Hillary sends her emails as long as she doesn't start sexting.
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03-11-2015 04:04
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They said they manage their money well, the fact that your tax return is gone after 2 1/2 weeks determined that was a lie
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03-11-2015 01:47
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I did not have communications with that phone
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03-11-2015 00:22 by Smeebert
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Hillary has been sending me sexual explicit emails for years. . .
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03-10-2015 22:53 by JAB
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I just turned my desktop keyboard upside down, shook it, and a taco salad fell out... Well, at least it tasted like a taco salad.
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03-10-2015 21:03 by snotty
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Whatever, low battery indicator. You're not the boss of
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03-10-2015 20:59 by snotty
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A man’s got to know his limitations....... Unless he’s in a relationship,, then he’ll be constantly reminded.
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03-10-2015 20:58 by snotty
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I got 47Traitors =GOP but a democrat ain't one!
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03-10-2015 19:21 by Ben Dover
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if Taylor Swift has sung Nasty Funk by Robbie Glover she'd have still managed to make it depressing
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03-10-2015 17:58
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You would think Republicans would want to avoid the #47, #47Traitors
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03-10-2015 17:57 by Ben Dover
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did you get Hillery's email ? nope I didn't either,,,,,
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03-10-2015 15:38
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I hope Apple is coming out with an iCondom because of all the iSex people will be having once the iWatch comes out.
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03-10-2015 12:35
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If you ABSOLUTELY need to own an Apple iWatch, I don't think we can be friends.
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03-10-2015 12:26
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