Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1590 of 6384
Frogger taught me the importance of looking both ways before hopping across the road.
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03-13-2015 18:49 by Aaron
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If you watch Friday the 13th backwards, Jason's machete is a magic wand that brings kids back to life and sends them to summer camp...
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03-13-2015 18:45 by JEBI
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F**k me if I'm wrong, but do you want to kiss me?
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03-13-2015 14:09
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Last I heard, my guardian angel was in the ER with alcohol poisoning.
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03-13-2015 12:48 by Baddie
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How many singers have sung "The Wind Beneath My Wings" and the general public still doesn't understand it's the wind over your wings that gives you lift. Wind beneath your wings causes a stall. That changes the whole meaning of the song!
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03-13-2015 12:44
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I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
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03-13-2015 11:06
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It’s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
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03-13-2015 11:01
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I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
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03-13-2015 11:00
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Friday the 13th might be an unlucky day, but when you live in the land of bacon, badasses and bald eagles, every day is a lucky day....... #America
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03-13-2015 09:57 by sully
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If you can moonwalk, that better be the first thing I know about you.
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03-13-2015 08:47
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I think Al Sharpton may just be the most underrated comedian of our time.
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03-13-2015 08:44
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I wish I were an octopus so I could hug you, grab your ass, grope your boobies, play Playstation, and eat Pizza all at the same time.
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03-13-2015 08:42
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Just saw a sign at the hospital. "Planned Parenting. Use Rear Door". I suppose that would work.
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03-13-2015 08:41
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Anyone know why my shampoo, conditioner, and body wash all fit in the same bottle, but to acheive the same thing, my wife needs 34 bottles? Anyone?
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03-13-2015 08:39
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About time to head out to the back yard and start insulting my lawn so that it gets depressed enough to start cutting itself before June.
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03-13-2015 08:39
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Nice try "Private Caller", but I don't answer if I know you either.
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03-13-2015 08:38
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My kid will eat anything you put in front of him as long as its chicken nuggets.
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03-13-2015 08:37
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I wish the government would go through my e-mails, because I’m never going to.
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03-13-2015 07:58
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“Erectile Dysfunction” is such a harsh term. Why not just call it “Sleepy Peepee?”
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03-13-2015 07:06 by guest-TJ
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The other day I saw a sign at the hospital that said "Family Planning" use rear entrance and I thought to myself that's great advice...