Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

   If you think about it, puff puff pass is just like the grown up version of duck duck goose.

   "911, what's your emergency?" - "Quick, my dreams are dying!"

   I'm tired of waiting to drive a flying car!

   There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, "Don't eat me." Now there's an empty plate and a note, "Don't tell me what to do."

   "It's impossible," said pride. "It's risky," said experience. "It's pointless," said reason. "Give it a try," whispered the heart.

   The man in front of me is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life, he wishes she sent him for tampons.

   Scrw you recommended serving size. You don't know me.

   Some people should "dance like no one's looking" where I can't see them.

   Finds that the best place to pick up women is at the Immigration Office.

   Facebook has revealed that there are many, many people just like me and now I know why the world is screwed.

   "Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you."

   Of course I'm out of my mind. It's dark and scary in there.

   Complain: To explain your pain for no gain.

   Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.

   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

   Study shows women are less likely to keep their cars clean. Yeah, because they don't need a clean car to get laid.

   This girl I know is thinking about havin beer pong at her reception... that's walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever.

   I've been poor and happy and now I'm ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!

   Facebook is like a college dormitory. No matter the hour, there's always someone up. Also, someone is drunk.