Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1582 of 5594

The next “60’s” are closer than the last “60’s”.
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06-16-2015 13:16
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HER: You smell good...what are you wearing? ME: Weed.
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06-16-2015 12:44
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My hot neighbor put a fence around her pool so I bought a trampoline.
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06-16-2015 11:17
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a blind man went to a silent movie ....
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06-16-2015 08:34
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Pro Tip: Its easy to smuggle booze into work if you put it into your stomach first.
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06-16-2015 08:26
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Geesh calm down everbody... Maybe Rachel Dozel just considers herself a "incog-negro"
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06-15-2015 23:53 by snotty
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Wait NAACP: Now you're sayin that " Once you go b!ack,,, you CAN go back?"
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06-15-2015 23:33 by snotty
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Cocaine so white it's head of the NAACP.
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06-15-2015 21:44
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Atheist don't hate unicorns or fairys or leprechauns because you can't hate something that isn't real. Atheist hate God because He is real.
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06-15-2015 20:37
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Men everywhere should appreciate Starbucks attempt to brainwash women into believing that grande means medium.

I'm watching the same movie thats been on all week..."Complete Signal Loss"
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06-15-2015 19:19 by MWC
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Don't mess with me. I could accelerate global warming by a decade by releasing the methane trapped in my office chair.
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06-15-2015 15:14 by snotty
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So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
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06-15-2015 15:03
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The NAACP: Now with no artificial colors.
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06-15-2015 14:33 by Wayne U
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Between Bruce (Caitlyn) Jenner and Rachel (NAACP) Dolezal I am now thoroughly convinced that I am a black woman trapped in a white mans body! Mmmmhmm! Hooooo Damn! Girl!
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06-15-2015 14:06 by Douglas
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I don't have tattoos for the same reason I don't have children -- I'm afraid if someone tells me they're ugly, I won't want them anymore.
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06-15-2015 13:52
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Judge: You're sentenced to death. You'll be hung. Wife from the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG. Me: Your Honor uncuff me so I can high five my wife
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06-15-2015 13:47
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Wait come back, I didn't mean it when I was just being myself.
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06-15-2015 13:45 by Czovczov
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Twitter is a fun, safe place to share your feelings if you don't mind being told to go kill yourself.
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06-15-2015 13:43
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Welcome to Chopped. Your mystery basket ingredients are four of your exes, from which you must create one decent human being.
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06-15-2015 13:42 by Psycho
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