Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'll never be the one to cast the first stone, but I'll sure as hell cast the second one.

   Sharks in the ocean? what's next, birds flying in the sky? when will the craziness end?

   The first rule of the Condescending Club is.... Oh, nevermind. You'd never understand even if I explained it to you..

   I don't care about gay marriage or the confederate flag. I care about Beer.... Is it 5 o'clock yet?

   If religions teach peace, how come they cannot achieve peace?

   Let's hear it for AIDS! Well played Supreme Court.

   So does this mean that Kanye can finally marry himself?

   To the guys mocking Religion and the Prophets. This is what the people of those times did. They did not believe despite inevitable proof and this is what you r doing and more like will continue to do. Even if you

   thanks to the awesome foreign policy you have created an endless wave of turmôil in Mid East. Thanks morica for playing divide and rule for cheap oîl

   Cat burglar: Quietly steals all your valuables Dog burglar: Eats your ham, sleeps in bed with you for awhile, wakes you up to go out at 3am..

   Can someone get the Supreme Court to send Mizzou back to the Big 12

   Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing.

   waving the rebel flag and burning the rainbow flag

   the United states just became worse

   My favourite childhood memory...not paying bills

   You're not truly a Canadian until you've used maple syrup as lube.

   I was sad to lose an arm wrestling match to a woman, but I felt better after I found out she was a man.

   They should fill the airbags with confetti to make car accidents more fun.

   I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn't even lift him.

   I was sober for 11 straight years. Then I turned 12.