Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   When you don't remember someones name, you wait for someone else to say it so you can pretend like you knew it all along.

   When I die, I give you permission to change my status to, "is dead."

   We have all experienced the pain of watching a slow typer.

   It's recycling day and based on the bin I just put out, there's a fraternity that I don't know about living somewhere in my house.

   I hate when I look in the mirror and see an adult.

   I'm off to hit the treadmill. If it doesn't break or hit me back, I may even walk or run on it.

   I hate waiting for someone to illegally upload so I can illegally download.

   The only thing worse than being up at 6am is still being up at 6am.

   If you can read this then it's your lucky day. I did my monthly Facebook friend deletions and you made the cut! Good Luck next month. ;)

   I've realized the older women get, the more likely they are to have a tissue or a bandaid when I needs one.

   I'm playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can't get off the couch or I'll die.

   How are babies not self-consciousness of their thighs?

   Sometimes life just needs a good, hard CTRL ALT DELETE.

   Of all the unsolved mysteries, I wonder why we must stop talking to be able to start peeing.

   Take a lesson from the weather. Learn to be talked about without responding.

   I recognize three out of the fifty ingredients listed here. This is food, right? I'll eat it, but I'll never understand it.

   The postage is outrageous on these mail order brides!

   "Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.

   Creepy drunken compliments are sometimes the price we pay for freedom!

   Whoever invented invisible fences for dogs should be fired.