Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   Who thought it was a good idea to make commercials 5 minutes longer than the actual show you are watching?

   I saw a woman with a Breast Cancer Awareness t-shirt that said "Yes they're fake, My real ones tried to kill me!"

   You can't please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.

   Facebook: Lying to people you know. Twitter: Be honest to people you don't know.

   Most of the fun things I've done have never been smart ideas.

   It takes a special kind of crazy to marry a divorce lawyer.

   You never know who your real friends are until you are in need and then you'll be surprised who shows up.

   In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group.

   A woman walked into the pharmacy and asked for some batteries. The pharmacist gestured with his index finger and said,"Come this way." The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the batteries!"

   The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were: Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

   Cookie Monster: People ask me what me favorite kind of cookie, but me no can choose! Me equal opportunity eater.

   If you only have one photo on you're Facebook you are either a spammer, or a loser, either way don't request me as a friend.

   Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns.

   A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest ur own wife?" He said, "Call for backup."

   In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group.

   You complete me. Which makes me a complete idiot.

   If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.

   Rule #1 of the Internet: Nothing you put online, even for a second, can ever be taken down.

   I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.

   I never read and will never read your 55 page terms of use. I will always agree, so stop asking me to confirm that I read it.