Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   I'm about as motivated as a Denny's employee.

   Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.

   Party like you will never be invited to another!

   Dear 3rd stall over, flushing the toilet does not disguise explosive diarrhea. Thought you should know.

   The worst feeling isn't being lonely. It's being forgotten by someone you'd never forget.

   If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

   anyone going to tell America's Funniest Home Videos about youtube?

   If at first you DO succeed, someone's probably going to think you cheated.

   "Don't Give a Crap Day" is tomorrow. But nobody gives a crap so there aren't any cards.

   If a person smiles all the time, they're probably selling something that doesn't work.

   I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there.

   How long before I can convince you all that it's my birthday again?

   Excuses: Elementary School - "He started it!" Middle School - "It was a dare!" High School - "I was drunk."

   Spellcheck? I just type the words into the Google Toolbar and see if it corrects me.

   Making up fake resumes for my coworkers and submitting them for sh!tty jobs.

   When the Spice Girls chose their "Spicy" alter-ego nicknames, the girl with the biggest boobs should have chosen to go by Spice Rack.

   It's not the destination, it's the journey. Except when you're heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.

   Daughter walks in on her mom giving dad a hand job, "Mommy, what you doing?" Mom says "Your daddy is getting too fat, so I'm letting some of the air out of him." The little girl replies, "Good luck, the lady next door is just got done blowing him up again

   "They" say money and sex is the root of all evil. Well I think "They" are just poor virgins.

   FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don't eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.