Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Someone else can have my fifteen minutes of fame.

   I don’t chase after men. I don’t even walk after them.

   I'm sorry I asked you what your "hair" was made out of.

   The one good thing Donald Trump has going for him is that the more he speaks the less ridiculous his hair seems by comparison.

   I'll take a low-fat, mocha, chai, organic-soy-milk latte, with a shot of French vanilla, sprinkled with unicorn soul, please.

   Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...

   Don't "xoxoxoxo" unless you mean it... I'm not flying to Budapest again...

   “One shot, one kill, one apology.” - Canadian Sniper.

   I was born and raised in the circus, so as a young boy I use to dream of running away from home and joining the suburbs.

   If silly putty would have applied itself, it could have been serious putty.

   At what point did our country become invaded by insensitive @$$holes who lack empathy?

   Obama is proposing a dress code for America so no one offends each other

   With another unfortunate mass shooting incident, this will respark another debate about how rampant gun violence is... WAIT!! HULK HOGAN SAID THE N-WORD?!!!! Stop the presses!!!

   Sometimes I do FB with my 3D glasses on... It's almost like you guys are right here with me!!

   It's what's on the inside that counts, and other things ugly people say.

   ok i'm done with the ice bucket Challenge .... WHATS next ?

   We are not going to call him President Trump, instead he simply prefers "the Donald"

   Soooo.... I take it we should expect to see Hulk Hogan put in his bid for the next GOP Presidental candidate now?

   We're not friends until I have at least 38 pictures of you passed out somewhere on on my phone.

   If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it's one of those circus bears, you never know.