Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1534 of 6384
I was able to earn so much money for my Walk-A-Thon that I was able to take Uber instead.
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05-19-2015 11:45
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Treating others the way you what them to treat you is a great way to live your life. It may also quite possibly be sexual harassment...
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05-19-2015 09:36 by John Y
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I've been married for "discuss grocery list during sex" years.
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05-19-2015 09:25
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I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters? Do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"... 😀😳😜
Since casino commercials abruptly end with "gambling problem, call 1-800gambler"......why don't booze commercials end with "drinking problem, call 1-800guzzler" ?
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05-19-2015 06:06 by Bob
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The most realistic part of Avengers: Age of Ultron was Ultron deciding the human race must be destroyed after spending a few hours on the Internet.
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05-19-2015 02:32 by DeeX
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Liking on Facebook is definitely an addiction for some
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05-18-2015 22:59 by guest-TJ
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Lindsey Graham announced he is running for president. Nice to have a Southern Belle in the race.
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05-18-2015 21:10
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Skinless chicken breasts are more mouthwatering and yummy than regular chicken breasts. Human breasts, however, are more mouthwatering and yummy with the skin on.
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05-18-2015 18:43
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I make breakfast for my 1 night stands. In hopes they tell there friends about me.
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05-18-2015 18:32
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Because of "YOLO", MILFS are now 16 years old.
When a man talks dirty to a women, its sexual harassment. When a women talks dirty to a man its $3.95 per hour.
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05-18-2015 16:03
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Not sure who came up with the spelling of "phlegm" but phuck thegm.
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05-18-2015 15:21
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I dropped out of college after my sophomore year, so I get it half marathon runners.
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05-18-2015 15:20
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Fun Fact: If a rapper raps about how much money he has, I will be downloading his album for free.
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05-18-2015 15:20
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You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
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05-18-2015 13:04
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Kiss and make up is my favourite description of a Kiss concert
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05-18-2015 12:20
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An Apple fan walks into a bar and orders the same drink as yesterday but pays more.
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05-18-2015 12:16
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Why doesn't my kitchen deliver?
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05-18-2015 12:13
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I hired a wedding planner. She just handed me a noose then laughed for twenty minutes.
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05-18-2015 12:10
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