Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   Honesty is the best policy. But just try getting an Honesty Policy from your insurance broker.

   I like to think of myself as "Emotionally Exciting" as opposed to bipolar.

   Do what you love, and the money will follow, unless what you love is Facebook.

   I bet if Einstein had Facebook to waste time with he wouldn't have been all like smart and stuff.

   As a Social Networking Expert, I have evaluated your Facebook activity and your status updates. My conclusion: You're all crazy.

   "And they lived happily ever after" is just another way of saying "they are in denial."

   Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I'm so glad I'm not a crazy person.

   Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" have a "Use By" date?

   In terms of emotional comfort it is my belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made c0cktail.

   Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

   Dude... "Who else would put up with me?" is not a good compliment to give your girlfriend.

   Ya know when ya go on vacation and you just can't wait to get home to take a nice, healthy dump?

   Show me a person who can be trusted with a laser pointer, and I will show you someone whose soul has died.

   When I say, "Hold that thought," it's just a polite way of saying I'm not interested.

   Ringing in the "New Year" apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late... in October.

   .Neighbors get really angry when they catch you on their roof adjusting their satellite dish.

   People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.

   An "open relationship" is when both people are cheating on each other and want everyone else to know.

   Based on the way it's being used "LOL" must stand for "OK"

   I bet those Chilean miners going to be pissed when they have to go back to work at 5 in the morning tomorrow.