Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1505 of 6446

Yogi saw a fork in the road and took it! ~ RIP Yogi
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09-23-2015 09:51
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Crying doesnt indicate that youre weak. Since birth, it has been a sign that youre alive.
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09-22-2015 22:36 by BEGO
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The Big Mac doesn’t look anything like the ones in the ads… Same goes with people and Facebook profile pics.
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09-22-2015 22:35 by BEGO
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Never give up on something you really want. It’s difficult to wait, but it’s more difficult to regret.
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09-22-2015 22:34 by BEGO
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I think I'm gonna start giving ugly girls the phone numbers of guys I hate.
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09-22-2015 22:32 by BEGO
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Can you imagine parents nowadays explaining to their kids how they met? “Well, it all started one day when your dad ‘liked’ one of my selfies.”
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09-22-2015 22:31 by BEGO
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Holy s$it Karma, how much longer till we’re all squared up?
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09-22-2015 22:28 by BEGO
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I have gotten out of bed 365 days a year for 37 years. That is 13,505 sit-ups. And not ONE ab to show for it.
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09-22-2015 22:27 by BEGO
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Friend: Do you want to go to a strip club? Me: Maybe. Do they have Wi-Fi?
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09-22-2015 22:25 by BEGO
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All I'm sayin, is that I bet that divorce lawyers spent a lot of time staging electric train wrecks as kids
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09-22-2015 20:29 by snotty
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It amazes me when doctors call their mistakes practice.
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09-22-2015 17:29
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Hey, did you know that Bruce...."He goes by Caitlyn now."... Ugh,,, fine. Did you know that Caitlyn Wayne is Batman?
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09-21-2015 18:53 by snotty
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Chance of being the correct response when she asks "Notice anything different?" Hair 30% New shoes 25% Lost weight 20% Transitioning 3%..
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09-21-2015 16:50
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When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I'm a blackjack dealer...
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09-21-2015 16:45
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If the girl at this fast food drive-thru really wanted to help me she’d tell me why my dad left.
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09-21-2015 16:41
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I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
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09-21-2015 16:40
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There are 24 singles in your area...*unchecks "Kraft"..... There are 0 singles in your area.
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09-21-2015 07:58 by snotty
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Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
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09-20-2015 13:44
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If you need me, I'd be surprised.

Want to keep your man from cheating on you, give him more BJs and make him more sandwiches and reduce nagging by 100%
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09-20-2015 10:35 by JAB
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