Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Yogi saw a fork in the road and took it! ~ RIP Yogi
←Rate | 09-23-2015 09:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Crying doesnt indicate that youre weak. Since birth, it has been a sign that youre alive.
←Rate | 09-22-2015 22:36 by BEGO Comments (2)  


   messageicon The Big Mac doesn’t look anything like the ones in the ads… Same goes with people and Facebook profile pics.
←Rate | 09-22-2015 22:35 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never give up on something you really want. It’s difficult to wait, but it’s more difficult to regret.
←Rate | 09-22-2015 22:34 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm gonna start giving ugly girls the phone numbers of guys I hate.
←Rate | 09-22-2015 22:32 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can you imagine parents nowadays explaining to their kids how they met? “Well, it all started one day when your dad ‘liked’ one of my selfies.”
←Rate | 09-22-2015 22:31 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Holy s$it Karma, how much longer till we’re all squared up?
←Rate | 09-22-2015 22:28 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have gotten out of bed 365 days a year for 37 years. That is 13,505 sit-ups. And not ONE ab to show for it.
←Rate | 09-22-2015 22:27 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friend: Do you want to go to a strip club? Me: Maybe. Do they have Wi-Fi?
←Rate | 09-22-2015 22:25 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I'm sayin, is that I bet that divorce lawyers spent a lot of time staging electric train wrecks as kids
←Rate | 09-22-2015 20:29 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It amazes me when doctors call their mistakes practice.
←Rate | 09-22-2015 17:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, did you know that Bruce...."He goes by Caitlyn now."... Ugh,,, fine. Did you know that Caitlyn Wayne is Batman?
←Rate | 09-21-2015 18:53 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chance of being the correct response when she asks "Notice anything different?" Hair 30% New shoes 25% Lost weight 20% Transitioning 3%..
←Rate | 09-21-2015 16:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I'm a blackjack dealer...
←Rate | 09-21-2015 16:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the girl at this fast food drive-thru really wanted to help me she’d tell me why my dad left.
←Rate | 09-21-2015 16:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
←Rate | 09-21-2015 16:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are 24 singles in your area...*unchecks "Kraft"..... There are 0 singles in your area.
←Rate | 09-21-2015 07:58 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
←Rate | 09-20-2015 13:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you need me, I'd be surprised.
←Rate | 09-20-2015 12:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Want to keep your man from cheating on you, give him more BJs and make him more sandwiches and reduce nagging by 100%
←Rate | 09-20-2015 10:35 by JAB Comments (0)  




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