Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   People who say that winning isn't important, never win.

   I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn't mind driving a tractor around.

   I colored my hair today. Never doing that again. It took 5 hours and 12 Sharpies.

   Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.

   Love songs are liars.

   Have you ever lost your sunglasses on top of your head?...me neither...

   Dryer broke, microwave works, laundry is now dry.

   In the past, when you were angry with someone you argued with them. Now you just delete them off Facebook.

   Sexy Mode [ON] OFF

   I'm happy for you as long as you're not happier than me.

   I want to break down your wall so I can build another one around us.

   I'm wearing that smile you gave me.

   The world is at peace when you're eating a burrito.

   Hey websites, I will always "skip intro", so knock it off.

   I never quite know exactly what I'm talking about.

   It's true we don't know what we've got until its gone, but we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

   Someone from Facebook Design should write about why they made the news feed font smaller. I just want to understand why.

   I can hear the Pink Panther theme song playing inside my head. I may or may not be getting into all kinds of mischief this afternoon.

   I say "haha" or "lol" in almost every single text message I write.

   Immediately updating your relationship status on Facebook after a fight for the 10th time this week is annoying, cut it out.