Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1449 of 6384
This chick has a couple of good ideas that I would like to motorboat.
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09-05-2015 15:18
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If they ever start handing out medals for not participating in anything, that might be my moment to shine.
I'm now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
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09-05-2015 13:33 by snotty
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Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
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09-05-2015 11:29
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It's 2015,,,, why do babies still have cords
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09-05-2015 11:27 by snotty
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Why the hell is Spanish ESPN called ESPN Deportes and not ESPÑol
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09-05-2015 11:27 by snotty
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I'm starting a sarcasm club. It would mean the world to me if you joined.
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09-05-2015 11:26
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*sees a knife for the first time..... "WHOA,,, that's the greatest thing since torn bread.."
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09-05-2015 11:26 by snotty
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If a shark attacks you,,, DO NOT punch him in the nose... Be the bigger person and just ignore him.
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09-05-2015 11:25 by snotty
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A sign language interpreter at a Trump rally just wildly swinging around both middle fingers in all directions as he speaks.
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09-05-2015 11:23 by snotty
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I sit blindfolded. A woman in a lab coat feeds me a Twix.... "Hmmmm, She marks her notes, 33 consecutive correct guesses"
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09-05-2015 11:20 by snotty
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People that have 7 kids, let's be honest.....do you actually LOVE all those kids?
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09-05-2015 11:15
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A black James Bond? Wouldn't work.... He'd be pulled over every 15 minutes for driving an Aston Martin.
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09-05-2015 11:03 by snotty
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[me narrating a documentary about an octopus].... Look at this fat, wet spider.
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09-05-2015 11:01 by snotty
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To find out your author name, simply take your first and last names, write a book,, get it published, and read the name on the cover.
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09-05-2015 09:55 by snotty
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The best part about having multiple personalities is that you're never alone.
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09-05-2015 09:53
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Why can't they just put the power bank batteries on phones and save us all the trouble
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09-05-2015 09:20
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I got the kids Frozen yesterday... and the sperm bank only charged me $100 for doing it...
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09-05-2015 08:30 by Gabe
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My boss wants me to take a training class in Time Management. Yeah. Like I'm supposed to be able to fit that into my already overloaded schedule.
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09-05-2015 08:15
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Saturday,,,, an Olympic hopeful was killed with a starter pistol....... Police think it might be race related
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09-05-2015 02:54 by snotty
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