Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1421 of 6384
I have always been suspicious of Wendy's hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
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10-27-2015 21:31 by Aaron
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My favorite machine at the gym is the water fountain.
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10-27-2015 21:05
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If everyday is a gift then today was socks...
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10-27-2015 20:38 by Gabe
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If you're last name is Walker and you aren't a Texas ranger, I'll assume you have disgraced your family by choosing another profession.
How does Sean Connery shave? Ctrl + S
How can someone who makes less than 200,000 a year vote Republican I'll never understand.
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10-27-2015 18:50
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My neighbours kids pretend restaurant sucks,, The service is horrible here and the prices are outrageous.
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10-27-2015 18:16
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You havent truly hated me until you've heard me eat a bag of chips while you're trying to watch a movie.
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10-27-2015 18:10
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*watching news report of zombie apocalypse* Me: This is great. No work today!
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10-27-2015 18:09
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I'm from Canada, but they kicked me out 'cause I wasn't sorry.
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10-27-2015 18:07
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Safety Rule #1. Never put your hand where you wouldn't put your willy
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10-27-2015 07:39
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I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat. She said it rang a bell but didn't know if it was there or not.
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10-27-2015 07:18
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After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
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10-27-2015 02:47 by Baddie
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People who work at McDonalds act like the sauces come out of their wages, just throw 5 in the bag and behave.
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10-27-2015 00:28
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What if oxygen is poisonous and it just takes 75-100 years to kill us...
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10-26-2015 20:45 by eengrms
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I'm flirtatious, which means i'm poor.
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10-26-2015 18:11
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If you think that age is just a number, then prison is just a house .
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10-26-2015 17:59 by Jitney
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Gotta love Lamar Odom.... This is the first time in history the hookers and coke actually saved a guy's marriage.... Rock on Lamar
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10-26-2015 17:37
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Halloween is a great time to get rid of any expired or unused meds.
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10-26-2015 17:14
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Trigger Warning: if someone's free speech offends you, maybe the United States is not the country for you....
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10-26-2015 15:40
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