Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Somtimes I get the feeling that maybe the love of my life got stuck up in a Condom

   i know have a epipen, my friend gave it to me as he was dying... It seemed very important to him that I have it

   Maybe Jada Pinkett Smith should receive an Oscar for acting like an idiot.

   Where are the socialist snowplows at?

   I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we have live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.

   being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!

   Jada Pinkett-Smith should picket Donald Trump and Sarah Palin for being too white.

   wondering if Sarah Palin can still see Russia from her house.

   I hear Sarah Palin loves Honey Nut Cheerios.

   One insomniac, two insomniacs, three insomniacs, let's count all the insomniacs on Facebook.....

   Let's all be fair, I hope all Americans get to see Sarah Palin's High School diploma.

   FACT: I prefer Dairy Queen Blizzards than hearing you constantly complain about how Monday's suck.

   Did you ever notice when you push old people down the stairs they scramble to grab the railings???

   The Patriots have been Decheated by Denver.

   I find it ironic that Tom Brady looked so deflated after the loss to the Broncos.

   I guess properly inflated balls really do make a difference. Who knew?

   Will Smith should win an Academy Award for acting like Hollywood's held him back.

   I don't know why it's necessary to get a glass dirty when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.

   FACT: I prefer Dairy Queen Blizzards to Jonas blizzards.

   Donald Trump insinuated that his election game is so “Trump tight”, that his supporters would let him get away with murder so that he could become the next President of the United States.