Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   I always bring my phone with me into the grocery store because I'm expecting a very important fake call if I see someone who knows me.

   If you think it's necessary to judge me by my past, don't get mad when I put you there.

   If you didn't talk to me in High School then don't request to be my friend on Facebook.

   Always use tasteful words because you may have to eat them.

   The people who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.

   The older I get, the more I desperately cling to my immaturity.

   I'm living the dream! Unfortunately, I think it's the bad one where I come to school with no pants on.

   Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.

   "I love my cable company! Their customer service and pricing can't be beat! I'm glad I have no other options!" said no one ever.

   While I may not always return the affection of those who like me, I always admire their good judgment

   Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.

   A weekend wasted isn't a wasted weekend.

   I'm stuck to the couch. I think I'm half man half sofa now. Just call me a mofa.

   Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?

   The worst thing about calling in sick today is not being able to post last night's rage fest pictures until this weekend.

   Wedding's in 3 weeks, I wish I could invite all of you but the Waffle House only fits 43.

   I hate whoever invented 6:30 am

   When people say "don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful" you shouldn't answer with "Don't worry, I have plenty of other reasons to hate you."

   Relationships would be great if it wasn't for all those feelings.

   I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.