Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 142 of 6441

Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
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11-20-2022 06:00
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Today at the Buffet I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."
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11-20-2022 05:59
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I still cook my turkey the old fashioned way, I let my mom do it.
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11-20-2022 05:59
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To whom it may concern, If you are reading this, that means there’s not a thing you can do about it now.
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11-20-2022 05:59
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ANOTHER DAY has passed by and I still HAVEN’T USED a²+b²=c²
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11-19-2022 06:38
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We know your from Michigan because You think alkaline batteries were named for a tiger outfielder.
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11-19-2022 06:04
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A New York plastic surgeon has announced that he is creating “vacation breasts,” which are implants that would last two to three weeks. That’s amazing, isn’t it? Who gets a three-week vacation?
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11-19-2022 06:03
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Please stop putting jumpsuits in with the dresses! I don’t want to take off all my clothes to pee!!!
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11-19-2022 06:01
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OK hear me out on this: a baseball throwing machine, but instead, it shoots out pancakes that you catch with your mouth.
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11-19-2022 05:52
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microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie
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11-19-2022 05:52
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If pigeons and chickens made a tribe would the be called the coo clucks clan ?
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11-19-2022 05:50
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Men, do not treat your woman like an object! It doesn't like that.
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11-17-2022 11:55
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Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of whiteout.... I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
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11-17-2022 05:58
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Not to brag, but I still haven’t buttoned my pants back up from last Thanksgiving.
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11-17-2022 05:56
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BREAKING NEWS: Colts defeated the Raider’s last Sunday in Las Vegas but hold all tickets as Nevada has called for a recount of the score so game won’t be official for a couple weeks or so!
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11-16-2022 13:35
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BBL payment plan is crazy. Now you workin yo ass off to pay yo ass off.
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11-15-2022 08:21 by Chop_liva
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It's beginning to feel a lot like, I'm gonna start wishing it was summer.
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11-14-2022 01:31 by Moon
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My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says “declined” whenever you use it.
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11-11-2022 05:18
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A man and woman in Idaho became the oldest couple in the world to divorce — they are both 98 years old. It was an ugly breakup too...... She found another woman’s teeth in their bedroom.
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11-10-2022 08:10
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Last night My wife and I had words but I never got to use mine.
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11-10-2022 08:09
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