Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1416 of 6384
Look out Taylor Swift, I'm going to produce my first musical soundtrack. Music for cats, my first song will be the sound of a can opener. I already see it going gold!
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11-05-2015 12:22
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Ok let me get this straight.....bacon is junk food and causes cancer. I do declare the Pigs have watched to many Chik-fil-a commercials and have concocted a diversion. What do you all think? Sounds suspicious? O.o nice play piggy nice play!
"Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken."
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11-05-2015 07:46
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Just answer my question: Is it worth putting pants on for?
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11-05-2015 01:40
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Missed connection: You were at the gym. I wasn't.
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11-05-2015 01:22
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Watching people breathe gives me motion sickness.
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11-05-2015 01:21
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Sober me:"I'll have a salad, please." Drunk me:"I need 3 cheeseburgers, 4 orders of fries, 75 chicken nuggets and 82 sides of ranch."
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11-05-2015 01:20
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I never imagined adulting would involve so much crying while eating ice cream.
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11-05-2015 01:18
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I’m “Blockbuster and relax” years old…
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11-05-2015 01:05
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If you love someone set them free. Then lock the door so they cant get back in.
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11-05-2015 00:51
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Before coffee: I hate everyone. After coffee: I have so much energy to hate everyone.
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11-05-2015 00:49
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Looking for originality her e is like looking for a virgin in a wh0rehouse.
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11-05-2015 00:38 by Psycho
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No one calls you promiscuous because you have more than one beer
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11-05-2015 00:37 by Czovczov
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Religion is the most vile ailment of human evolution (or rather, devolution) in existence
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11-05-2015 00:00
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My girlfriend has a gorgeous Duck butt, BUT every time I try and stick it in the wrong hole it screams AFLAC
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11-04-2015 16:24
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Loyal chicks are crazy, annoying, jealous, psycho & obsessive. But they make the best girlfriends, so y'all gotta deal with it.
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11-04-2015 15:37
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Do vegan mothers ever breast feed their babies?
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11-04-2015 13:33
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Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don't quote me on that.
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11-04-2015 13:27
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Well another day has passed, and I haven’t used algebra once. Oh and a great big thanks must go to Facebook for greeting me this evening! Yay! My life is complete!
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11-04-2015 12:40
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So yesterday I planed on having an average day but The lady at the Dunkin' Donuts told me to have a good day. Let's hope she doesn't say that today I can't keep up with that kind of pressure p
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11-04-2015 08:29
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