Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1409 of 6447

Do you ever hear a song on your car radio and think "I better not die listening to this song"?
←Rate |
02-07-2016 02:56
Comments (0)

You may have been drunk before, but you haven't been lightsaber fighting in the street at 2 am drunk.
←Rate |
02-07-2016 02:55
Comments (0)

Facebook needs a special button for those who are sick of cartoonists making fun of short T-Rex arms.
←Rate |
02-07-2016 02:53
Comments (0)

How does Ted Cruz always look both happy and sad? "I like lasagna but it's not what I ordered", his face says.
←Rate |
02-07-2016 02:49
Comments (0)

A new sandwich at Mcdonald's called the McBernie. When you order that, the guy behind you has to pay for it.
←Rate |
02-07-2016 00:56
Comments (1)

My wife's snoring was so bad, I woke up and thought my buddies came over on their Harleys.
←Rate |
02-07-2016 00:49
Comments (0)

I don't mind when people exercise their right to free speech, but I'd prefer they'd exercise their right to remain silent.
←Rate |
02-06-2016 19:55
Comments (1)

Did you know that Donald Trump likes Justin Bieber...
←Rate |
02-06-2016 18:16
Comments (0)

Are you having a mental relationship with a celebrity who doesn't even know you exist?
←Rate |
02-06-2016 18:13
Comments (0)

I drive safer when there's food on the passenger seat than when there's a person sitting there.
←Rate |
02-06-2016 18:11
Comments (0)

Valentines: Someday you will meet that amazing person who just gets you. And they won't text you back either.
←Rate |
02-06-2016 18:07
Comments (0)

You ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend 1 month in the hospital.
←Rate |
02-06-2016 18:00
Comments (0)

Rest In Peace Dinosaurs!!! Can"t Believe it 65 million years already. Always in my thoughts.
←Rate |
02-06-2016 17:54
Comments (0)

When someone thinks I'm paying attention to what they're saying, but really I'm just thinking about tacos.
←Rate |
02-06-2016 17:52
Comments (0)

Superbowl: Rock Out With Your Guac Out!!!
←Rate |
02-06-2016 17:51
Comments (0)

If you are sick or in some kind of trouble and I send you prayers, please note that I don’t really care about you otherwise I would get off my ass and do something practical for you.
←Rate |
02-06-2016 08:24
Comments (0)

They say men think about sex every 7 seconds, so when I eat a hotdog I try to finish it in 6 seconds so it doesn’t get awkward.
←Rate |
02-06-2016 07:32 by snotty
Comments (0)

Admit it, you don't call Gatorade by it's flavors, you call it by it's colors.
←Rate |
02-06-2016 04:40
Comments (0)

When you are dead you don't know that you're dead, but it's hard for the people around you. It's the same if you are stupid.
←Rate |
02-06-2016 04:38
Comments (0)

Bacon Fact #11: Bacon is healthier than crystal meth.
←Rate |
02-06-2016 04:35
Comments (0)