Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1409 of 6384
Im starting to get alarmed at the rate which Facebook keeps bringing up things from my past
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11-15-2015 00:27
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Officer that's a medicinal hooker I swear !
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11-14-2015 22:24
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Drop Dead Gorgeous females... Just because we want to hang out with you, doesn't mean we wanna bang you. It just means we're looking to expand our small circle of friends, and you seem like you would be a worthy candidate. No need to be stuck up.
'If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
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11-14-2015 07:24
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In honor of it being Friday the 13th, whenever I hear a strange noise, I'm going to investigate it braless, and wearing cute panties.
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11-13-2015 19:12
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a good woman will always forgive you when she's wrong
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11-13-2015 16:11 by snotty
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"Update the force, Luke"....... *Adobe Wan Kenobi
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11-13-2015 16:05 by snotty
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Vaping is becoming so popular, I heard Jihadi Johny gave it a try today.. and I'll bet it works so good for him that he'll never smoke another cigarette..
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11-13-2015 15:37 by MWARD
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The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
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11-13-2015 11:29 by Czovczov
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White Privilege is how Willy Nelson got his assets seized for owing $15 million and Al Sharpton visits the White House while owing $19 MIllion... OH WAIT!
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11-13-2015 08:06 by Keith
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Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
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11-13-2015 03:32
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There are too many functionally illiterate people in the world.
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11-13-2015 02:51
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You can't fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight destiny then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too.
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11-13-2015 01:31
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Gf: are you crying right now? Me: *hides Adele's new album* what? hell no. Real men don't cry babe.
I thought my life was miserable until I saw yours.
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11-13-2015 00:29
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My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
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11-13-2015 00:17
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I think this midget prostitute is really selling herself short.
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11-13-2015 00:08 by Psycho
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“This mattress looks nice…” “Feel free to test it out, sir.” *curls up on mattress and cries for 10 minutes* “I’ll take it.”
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11-12-2015 23:57
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At a rally tonight Donald Trump asked, "How stupid are the people of this country?" He should know since they're all at his rally.
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11-12-2015 23:54
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I have come to the conclusion that all women are bipolar. Thats the only sensible explanation.
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11-12-2015 23:52
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