Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1404 of 6384
When I'm on my deathbed, I'm definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
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11-21-2015 07:11 by flinnie
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I'm sorry I dropped your baby when the theme from Friends came on and I had to clap along.
Sometimes when I'm in the shower I have epiphanies of intellectual brilliance. Other times I just think about chips and dip
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11-21-2015 07:09 by huck
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I asked what to bring for Thanksgiving this year and my mom said it was up to me so I'm bringing a wireless router.
The Wizard of Oz is 70 years old. Today, if Dorothy were to encounter men with no brains, no hearts, and no balls, she wouldn't be in Oz. She would be in congress...
Well on a positive note, Charlie Sheen.
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11-20-2015 15:57 by pimpjuice
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Well No money November is going well this year
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11-20-2015 15:20
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I think Americans need to find out who makes terrorist passports, apparently those things survive plane crashes and suicide bombs
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11-20-2015 13:00
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Ah, I see my old arch nemesis, the bottom of the bottle, has arrived.
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11-20-2015 12:04
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Always choose a proctologist with a good buttside manner.
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11-20-2015 11:24
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Dramas are for women. Rationnals are for men.
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11-20-2015 10:29
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Compliments are for women. Accusations are for men.
Why the hell don’t liquor stores have Black Friday sales?
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11-20-2015 09:19
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The best part of hooking up with a MILF is leaving in the morning with a juice box and fruit rollups.
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11-20-2015 09:18
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Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have
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11-20-2015 09:18
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: I am thankful that they finally discovered that the Tortoise was using Performance Enhacing Drugs in the race with the Hare.
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11-20-2015 09:17 by HammerMan
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USA: where you can go to the grocery store with a loaded gun, but where refugees fleeing war are scary for your safety you can shoot them.
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11-20-2015 09:12
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90% of the refugees are young men, not women and kids.
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11-20-2015 09:05
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2 days ago: ''We must help solve poverty here first and foremost!'' Today: ''All right! Black Friday is coming!''. Morons
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11-20-2015 08:31
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Some of you should be required to raise your hand before you post to facebook.
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11-20-2015 08:23
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