joser Funny Status Messages

   Reminder, fellas: bra cups come in sizes AA, A, B, C, D, DD, OMG, WTF.

   I saw a sign that said END ROAD WORK. I find it annoying too, but I don't think I would protest against it.

   What kind of troopers does the Empire use when it's nice out?

   If food at McDonald's looked anything like on the commercials, McDonald's customers would look even less like the people on the commercials.

   Still working on an electromagnetic pulsating device to disable cell phones in theaters. For now, please continue making do with neckpunches.

   Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt... hehehe suckers!!!

   Thinks that if I was a zookeeper, I wouldn't even bother putting anything in the chameleon exhibit.

   wants you to know that you have my undivided, continuous, partial attention.

   All my friends who have Girlfriends want to be single... All my friends who are single want girlfriend friends... As for me, I just want a slave...

   It's obvious that Ed Hardy is g@y. No straight man would decide he would rather design clothing than solve mysteries with his brothers...

   Eating kidney beans is a very small step towards cannibalism...

   Bronchitis is my least favorite dinosaur.

   A leopard can't change its spots, unless it has Photoshop.

   I just responded to a text message someone sent me a year ago with, "yeah, sounds good. Let's do that."

   I'm on this insane diet. So far, I've lost my mind.

   Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.

   Probably the most awkward thing for Chinese parents is not explaining where babies come from, but rather, where they go.

   Why are they called "Starving Artists" instead of "Untalented Hippies"?

   Looked over and saw a giant frickin' spider crawling on my shoulder, so if anyone needs me I'll be over here NEVER SLEEPING EVER AGAIN EVER.

   Some people have food in their teeth because no one likes them enough to mention it. This serves as an early warning system for @ssholes.