Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   “It is the preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else that prevents us from living freely and nobly.” ― Bertrand Russell

   Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy sh*t we don't need

   The Pilgrims were refugees and the Native Americans took them in, fed them and helped them, don't ever forget

   Adulthood is just another word for 'liver damage'.

   Don't forget to have a thought and a prayer for the poors when you buy your useless stuff this weekend

   I don't know what it is But it's on sale!

   Black Friday Separating Americans from money they don't really have since 1966.

   I bet Payton Mannings family is going to have a hard time eating today. Every time someone asks him to pass the turkey, it's going to get intercepted

   I would say Happy Thanksgiving but no one cares cuz they're hungover

   A word from our sponsors. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Because it's Thanksgiving and gobble, gobble. . .

   Consumerism has a religious day called Black Friday.

   Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse?... How about now?,,, Better... or worse?

   "Hey, Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me."...*shakes tambourine ... "Got any others?"... *shakes tambourine... "Hmmm,,, Sounds a lot like the last one"

   *Airplane PA.... "Arrr, this be yer cap'n speaking"... *covers microphone... [muffled] "Dangit Roger,, you have it set on autopirate again"

   FOR THE LAST TIME, MY EYES ARE UP HERE !!!........... I yelled at my gynecologist

   The Superfriends hang out in the Hall of Justice, but has any villain ever actually been brought to justice there? Any indictment?Arraignment? Jury selection? Trail? How about for child support, alimony, probate, speeding ticket, overdue library book?

   It's a shame if girls think Victoria's Secret models are every guys' dream. We're not in the fifth grade anymore. Go ahead and eat that last chicken wing, babygirl. You're gorgeous.

   If God wanted me to be a Vegan, he wouldn't have made chickens so damn delicious!

   Apparently, the biatch at my wife's job was being such a biatch today because something, something,,,, we hate her.

   You know you a hood rat when you can't participate in Black Friday because yo government check ain't in until Monday. .