Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1393 of 6446

Bruce Lee doesn't drink water....he drinks wataaaa
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02-17-2016 03:58
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There's no better karate instructor, than a spider web in your face.
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02-17-2016 03:55
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I just shot my first turkey today....it sure scared the hell out of everyone in the frozen food section.
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02-17-2016 03:49
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New Condom Slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's gonna get your paychecks.
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02-17-2016 03:46
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There are teenagers out there that are having unprotected sex but have indestructable cases for their phones. Let that sink in for a moment....
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02-17-2016 03:42
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Coffee Shop Sign: Unattended children will be given double espressos and made wild promises about what Santa is bringing them.
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02-17-2016 03:38
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If you say "Pumpkin Spice Latte" in the mirror 3 times....a white girl in yoga pants will appear and tell you all her favorite drinks at Starbucks.
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02-17-2016 03:34
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I need a grub buddy. Kinda like a f*ck buddy, except when I hit you at 2 am you better be ready to stuff your face with me.
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02-17-2016 03:23
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How does Kanye West need a billion dollars for ideas? Ben Franklin discovered electricity with a kite.
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02-17-2016 03:19
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National Drink Wine Day is February 18th....why is this not a stat holiday?
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02-17-2016 01:12
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Whoever said "Do the job right the first time and you'll never have to do it again"....never shoveled a Canadian driveway.
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02-16-2016 20:40
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Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation's children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
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02-16-2016 20:39
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When one of my friends leave I say "Stay Gold Ponyboy" and they just stare at me because they don't have no idea what I'm talking about.
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02-16-2016 20:33
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Carl Grimes could be the new mascot for the Oakland Raiders
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02-16-2016 20:19
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I'm as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
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02-16-2016 17:06 by jkmen
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If there's a pedicure, why are there still pedophiles?
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02-16-2016 17:05 by jkmen
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There are a million different ways to say "I Love You": "Put your seat belt on", "Watch your step", "Did you eat?", "Get some rest". You just have to listen.
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02-16-2016 16:52
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I've got two tickets to Crazy Town. Who wants one?
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02-16-2016 15:33
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Can I get 10,000 "Likes" for God is awesome?
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02-16-2016 15:30
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I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I'm basically a golden retriever.
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02-16-2016 14:36
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